


(Don't) Leave It All Behind

by autumnchills



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Adopted Buck, Angst, Bobby Nash is a father but doesn’t know it yet, Buck Centric, Depends how you read it, Father-Son Relationship, Ficlet, Firefam Feels, Season/Series 01, Team as Family, maybe on that last one, or at least the start of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 15:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21101390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnchills/pseuds/autumnchills
Summary: “You want me to leave the weight of my life behind when I’m out there as a firefighter.” Bobby turns from the stove to look at the source of the voice and finds their newest recruit, Evan Buckley. The boy hasn’t even been here four months, but he’s managed to piss him off more times than he can count on one hand.Bobby briefly recalls the conversation he had with Buck just under a week ago before responding.“Essentially, yes.”—Alternatively: Why Buck was an ass about the teenage-mom in the first episode!





	(Don't) Leave It All Behind

“You want me to leave the weight of my life behind when I’m out there as a firefighter.” Bobby turns from the stove to look at the source of the voice and finds their newest recruit, Evan Buckley. The boy hasn’t even been here four months, but he’s managed to piss him off more times than he can count on one hand.

Bobby briefly recalls the conversation he had with Buck just under a week ago before responding. 

“Essentially, yes.” He turns back to the meat in the pan and continues. “You can’t be worried about things going on in your life when you need to be worried about the life or lives at stake when we’re on a call.”

“Yeah,” Buck answers, though Bobby notes something unsure in his voice.

The captain finishes cooking, waiting for Buck to say more. It’s silent aside from the sizzling and idle chatter coming from the couches across the loft area. 

“What do you do when you can’t?”

“That’s not really an option,” Bobby says, bluntly. “If your sex-addiction problems hinder your work, you need to talk to someone and get some kind of therapy, or you need to see about a different profession.” 

“That’s not–” Buck doesn’t finish his sentence, cutting himself off. Bobby doesn’t bother with a response or to dig for more of what’s going on with the kid. 

“How about you grab the plates,” he suggests. 

There’s no response, and Bobby glances back, only to see Buck at the edge of the staircase and heading down. 

He can deal with whatever that was later, he supposes.

—

It comes up again three days later. Buck is tying his shoelaces in the locker room and Bobby is putting away a small notebook and pen. Buck sees his opening, not having been able to find Bobby alone before. 

“I’m not a complete ass.”

“Oh,” Bobby acknowledges without missing a beat. “So you’re only a partial ass?” 

Buck actually huffs at that but doesn’t respond to the jab. “I just mean that the thing– the one with the pregnant mother recently– it wasn’t–”

Bobby closes his locker and finds Buck on the bench, wringing his hands. He can tell the kid wants to say something, but can’t tell where the conversation is actually going. 

“I didn’t write you up for that,” Bobby finally says. “I definitely don’t recommend mouthing off to police officers like that, though. We work in the same zoning, so you’re bound to run into the same officers more often than you think.” 

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Ah, there it is. 

“You’re worried about something?” Bobby asks.

“Not really, no. I just... You saw an ugly and irrational side of me that day. I didn’t actually want that girl to die or anything.” 

Bobby nods and waits for Buck to say more, but he doesn’t. 

“Is that all?”

“Well I– I just don’t want you to think I’m always like that,” Buck explains.

Bobby sits, bringing himself to eye level with the kid. “I don’t think that, Buck. If I did, you definitely wouldn’t have gotten as many chances as you have.” 

Buck nods and jumps up, leaving the room.

It takes a moment for the captain to register that this is just the tip of an iceberg. 

—

It comes out in front of the team. Buck didn’t really mean for it to, but it isn’t his fault the subject was even brought up. 

The four of them are out for drinks after a long day, and no one is really sure how the conversation got to this, but they’re talking about parents. Bobby hasn’t said much, more interested in what everyone else has to share. Right after Hen talks about how amazing her mom was as a single mother, Chimney talks about his mother getting cancer. They don’t get into the details about their fathers, but they acknowledge that they weren’t the best either. 

“What about you, Buck?” Chimney asks. “Please tell us that at least one of us had a decent father.” He takes a big gulp of his beer as the other two look to Buck expectantly. 

Buck just shrugs noncommittally. “I guess technically, yeah, my parents were actually pretty cool.”

Hen raises an eyebrow in question. “Technically?”

“Well, my adoptive parents were cool, though a little absent. But my biological parents abandoned me.”

He takes a sip of his own drink and shrugs again. He can already see Bobby looking at him like he knows something the others don’t, which he probably does, and Hen is watching Bobby watch Buck. 

“Well!” Chimney claps his hands together and looks at each of them. “This really is depressing now.” He looks to a waitress passing by and signals her over. The team is silent as he requests another drink and a large plate of deluxe nachos for the table. 

“On me,” Chimney insists when the woman steps away. 

No one brings up any more personal matters.

—

  
  
  
“There are some things we can’t leave behind,” Bobby tells Buck one day. He’s washing the dishes as Buck dries and puts them away into the cabinets. It’s been a while since they’ve spoken about it, but Buck figures it’s coming up now, because ever since the plane crash, the team has been connecting and learning more about each other. 

“You leave behind fights with your significant other. You leave behind addictions and put aside your fears. You don’t put aside the things that have been with you your whole life, because suppressing it and not letting yourself ever think about it or feel it makes it worse when it does come up.”

Bobby hands him another dish before continuing. “You don’t put aside the things that made you who you are. What you did that day was driven by the part of you that holds resentment from feeling left behind by your biological parents. It can’t happen again, because we don’t get to make things personal and act on our bias, but you’re not an ass for that. You’re just human.”

Bobby lets his words sink in and finishes up the last dish, but when he goes to hand it to his teammate, he finds him absolutely still. Buck’s eyes are red like he might start crying. The dish he’d passed to Buck is held tight in his grip and still dripping with water.

“Buck?” 

Buck startles and starts scrubbing at the plate with the rag. He sniffles and looks down, intent on not letting his captain see him like this.

“Thank you, Cap, for not giving up on me.” He puts the plate away, not noticing that it clangs a bit too harshly against the others. “God knows I’ve fucked up so many times,” he rambles. “Everyone who’s ever been important to me leaves. My sister, the only one who made me feel like I was actually part of the family, moved across the country and hasn’t spoken to me in almost three years. My parents only hit me up to see if I’ve heard from her, and– _ ah geez _–” Buck leans on the counter and shoves his face into his hands. 

Bobby has no doubt that he’s actually crying now. He’s starting to realize how much about his team he doesn’t know because he’s been so busy keeping them out. 

He reaches out, then, pulling Buck into an embrace.

“You’re apart of our family now, Evan Buckley. We’re pretty far past the point of letting you go.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Special Thanks to my beta readers: [@cathect](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathect) and [AngelSweeney13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelSweeney13/pseuds/AngelSweeney13)  
This is just a little ficlet but nonetheless my first story in this fandom! I'm trying to ignore current canon, so I'm coming up with headcanons and AUs to focus on instead :D Please leave kudos and comments if you wish, and let me know if you think I should add any more tags!


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